UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/I find your lack of Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense disturbing

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See also: http://bjaodn.org
If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!


"I find your lack of faith disturbing," a quote by Darth Vader in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

This page is full up. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, UnSource:Wikipedia_BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love.

Contents

[edit] From The Simpsons Sing the Blues

(Under a section entitled "In the News")


It was widely reported that during O.J. Simpson's infamous Ford Bronco chase, that "the juice" order Al "A.C" Cowlings to loop The Simpsons Sing The Blues while they raced down the California Freeway. CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta speculated that the reasons for Simpson's infatuation with the album might stem from his brief 1995 appearance on The Simpsons as Dr. Julius Hibbard's long lost twin, A.J. "Jenga" Hibbard.

You mean the San Diego Freeway, dontcha?

[edit] From Frolloping

A sexual pastime involving sticking as much sherbet up your bottom as physically possible, before giving oneself (or being given) a lemonade enema.

Popular with Scientologists.

Hah hah hah hah! In my day, they never had that in the Sea Org... -- NicholasTurnbull

[edit] From the reference desk

This was posted to Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities. Perhaps someone is going to post a "Wanted: Fugitive" announcement for God?

[edit] HELP ME PLEASE

can someone please tell me what is the physical, metaphysical and spiritual nature of god as well as some of his personality traits, scars, tattoos, defining characteristics and his hair colour? PLEASE ANSWER RIGHT AWAY I NEED THIS FOR MY HOMEWORK FOR TOMORROW

I'm pretty sure he's got Hell's Angels tattooed across his chest.The preceding unsigned comment was added by Lomn (talk • contribs) 02:13, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
Try our article on God. You could just have typed that into the search box.-gadfium 03:28, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
He looks exactly like Morgan Freeman.
Seriously, we don't do you your homework for you, and there's no way we can provide a short answer to a question that has prompted millions of pages of discussion amongst theologians and philosophers for thousands of years. Try Gadfium's suggestion.--Robert Merkel 06:05, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
He's actually Alanis Morissette. Adam Bishop 06:06, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
Charlton Heston! --Robert Merkel 06:10, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
I hate to get all theological on you here, but he actually played Moses. --fvw* 06:13, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
He had a go at playing the big guy as well in the abysmal Almost an Angel in 1990. Check the IMDB.--Robert Merkel 06:22, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
So he did, live and learn. --fvw* 06:24, 7 October 2005 (UTC)
God wears tights but I can't verify the claim about the tattoo. JamesMLane 06:42, 7 October 2005 (UTC)

[edit] From Bong, a while ago

Hey Hey Hey! ....... Smoke Weed everyday! Haha nobody will ever delete this because we should all take a minute in this stressfull life to pack a bowl and smoke it.

Note: this message was deleted upon the next revision of the Bong article. It had lasted all of twelve minutes.

[edit] From Prank flash

<img src="http://uncyclopedia.org/images/1/19/Planky.JPG" alt="He is you. Not.">

[edit] From 3-Oxygrotamol

3-oxy-grotamol is the chemical name for the infamous Pesticide Grotalin, which was pulled from the market in the 40s due to its toxic effects on humans, as well as its tendency to explode at low temperatures.


[edit] From Edd Egg

[edit] Edd Egg on Wikipedia

Edd Egg published a Wikipedia themed comic [1] with an unusual article in place of this one. This was how it read:


Edd Egg is widely renowned as the world's greetest sex machine, superhero and billionaire. No wait... TRILLionaire! No no no - QUILLionaire! That's better, he's a quillionaire.

Annieway, Edd Egg is also pretty hot dang at investments. Yeah, he's like the Sophia Loren of the stocks and shares world... Hencefore, you should give him your credit card numbers, bank details and your female sister (must be over 16) and he'll invest it all into stuffs that is great and will make you the moneyest person ever. Trust him, he knows this guy in Nigeria who sitting on a fortune, dead cent.

All in all, Edd Egg is splendid.

Seriously, give him all your stuff. You can't afford to miss this chance!

Seriously.

Edd's response to this was "Oh Wikipedia! If you were a chick I'd touch you!"

[edit] From the timeline section of Millau Viaduct

  • 2018: The landmark bridge is scheduled to be surrendered to the Spanish in July

[edit] From Tony Flair

Image:Flair.GIF

Tony Flair (1948-) is a Morris Dancing sensation who performs at cheap international schools with children with Mullets. As you see in the photo, he has a resembilense to Prime Minister Tony Blair, this is because they are half-brothers. He lives at 10 Uping Street.

In The Morris Dancing Children With Mullets Magazine he stated: "I've been actively involved in Morris Dancing since I joined The Hammersmith Morris Men in 1959. In 1975 I started a new team to explore the previously neglected repertoire of the Welsh Border Morris, and The Shropshire Bedlams were born. These articles, written over quite a number of years, will tell you about the history and development of the team, and our companion group of women dancers, Martha Rhoden's Tuppenny Dish."

Image:Mullet flair.GIF

He now lives with his wife, Mary and his two children, Mullet Flair and Morris Flair, named after his two passions of life. Many people think that it is a joke but infact it is not.

[edit] From Sicklinghall

Sicklinghall is a village in England, situated between the town of Wetherby and the village of Kirkby Overblow.

Although it has a church and a pub, there are no shops. The population is rather small, but exact figures are unknown as the residents are very secretive and who knows how many people live behind those closed doors. It is important to understand that the population is small only in numerical terms. They are of average height, neither dwarves nor giants, or at least the ones you can see are. It is possible that there are a good many dwarven Sicklinghallians (as they are known) lurking out of sight.

The village has a primary school and a duck pond, but nothing in the way of shopping facilities, as has already been noted. In other words, learning and eating bread whilst floating are both important to the local economy while trade and barter are seen as counterproductive and frowned upon. If that state of affairs makes you unhappy, at least you can pray in the church, though it will not help.

Sicklinghall is not really on the way to anywhere, unless you happened to be in Wetherby and wanted to get to Kirkby Overblow, in which case you would definitely pass through unless you took a very long way round. That said, it is very close to Linton, West Yorkshire and as such would be a perfect starting point for a journey there. By starting your journey to Linton, West Yorkshire from Sicklinghall, you could be looking at a total travel time of as little as 2 minutes, compared with up to 37 hours if you were to foolishly pick, say, Sydney as your starting point.

[edit] From CCDF

CCDF (or Crazy Chicken Dance Festival) is a particular style of party created by Scott Khan in which the life members stay up all night. It has three life members and many subsidiaries! The CCDF Constitution was created by Ronan Evans, who is also the secretary. The CCDF is currently on a semi hiatis whith the host of the 3rd event yet to be found. Hopefully this situation will soon be resolved and the 3rd CCDF should take place on the 10th of December 2005- one year after the first. The CCDF means a great deal to many people and is also quite ethinically diverse with people from Australia, Taiwan, China, Kenya, India and America all attending or on the mailing list! The constitution basically states that no life member can be kicked out and everybody concerned enjoys themselves. There was previoulsly a failed attempt to Commercialise the CCDF by life member Ronan Evans but this was blocked by Founder Scott Khan who blocked the Idea of a CCDF senate. There was recently a spilt between Alex Jackson/Scott Khan and Ronan Evans/Andrew Babington but this has now been resolved with the rival parties of Andrew and Alex being cancelled.

[edit] From Michael Jockson

Image:Jockson.GIF

Michel Jockson (1958-) is a unsucsessful singer born in Gary, Indiana. He has a similar appearence to Michael Jackson although this is a strongly debated topic. He denies any plastic surgery except for two on his Tongue. He lives at a ranch called "Alwaysland" where he lures children into his bedroom and holds them hostage until the parents pay up. The children usually end up sueing him.

He now lives in "Alwaysland" with his kids use masks to conceal their indentity.

[edit] Recently deleted from Les fromages a mange mon amis

This can be roughly translated from modern french:

The cheeses have eaten my friend.

This can be useful if such an occasion happens, and your only form of help is a Frenchman. If such an occasion does arise, it is best to not confuse this phrase with:

'Les fromages a nage mon amis'

Which means

The cheeses have swum my friend.

Which makes no sense at all.

(Only contributor was Bugsy2302)

[edit] from "South American Dragon"

'This Dragon is invisible. It creeps up behind people reading this entry and... CHOMP!!!'

[edit] from Weluvducsoha

Weluvducsoha is a parody religion started by HCM Zoel and HCM Betty. The four goals of Weluvducsoha are

   * Conquer the world
   * Retake Jerusalem
   * Take a nap
   * Avoid being reincarnated as a bug

[edit] Bewildergoose

A bewildergoose is a unique creature usually found along coastlines in the mid-atlantic region of the united states. During the spring and fall, they migrate to portland, oregon, and other progressive, forward thinking urban centers.

Originally, they evolved when geese were kidnapped by a mad scientist who injected them with DNA of children with Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder. The geese evolved and mutated when on the same day, lightning struck the building and a chemical waste plant exploded leaking raw sewage into their water supply. Somehow, through a strange coincidence, the geese mutated into 6' tall creatures that roam the countryside in search of cars that break down on the side of the freeway. They often get bewildered.

[edit] Confederate States Air Force

[edit] Importance

Although aerial battles in the American Civil War were few and far between, this very dispensable portion of the Confederate Army was quasi-valuable.

[edit] Wild Eep

[edit] Summary

The wild eep is best known as one of the standard included system sounds in the Macintosh operating system, although many users were disappointed to find that it was no longer included in versions later than OS 8.

[edit] Background

There has been much speculation about exactly what a wild eep is. Most reason that it must be a predatory carnivore by the simple fact that no one has ever made a verifiable claim to have seen one and lived. As others have pointed out, however, this argument is a fallacy because it is equally possible that the wild eep is simply very skilled at concealing itself, as are many small herbivores. As a result of the gentle nature of its call, some envision an equally gentle and appealing animal that might have value as a pet. It's existance is only known due to the large number of reports of hearing it's distinctive call, which researchers have found can not be accurately reproduced by any other animal. As a result, the animal has been unofficially named in imitation of its sound.

Other classic Macintosh sounds include the sosumi, droplet, indigo, and quack.

[edit] Wrong Triangle

A wrong triangle is the opposite of a Right triangle. It's exact definition is often rather ambiguous; but there most mathematicians use one of the two following definitions:

[edit] Definitions of a Wrong Triangle

The first definition, used mostly by conservative mathematicians, defines a wrong triangle as any triangle with a wrong angle. The opposite of a Right angle, a wrong angle is any angle without a measurement of 90 degrees. Therefore, a wrong triangle is any triangle but a right triangle The second definition is far more lucrative and is used mostly by liberals. It states that, by definition, a wrong triangle is a three sided polygon with at least one wrong angle (as a right triangle is a triangle with a right angle). Following a long and extremely obtuse proof, it has been shown (by this definition) that a wrong angle is an angle which by any commonly accepted moral, legal, or mathematical standards is quite clearly wrong. While this is very debatable (and indeed several notable mathematitions have been seriously injured in heated arguments about the subject), it is generally accepted that triangles with angles equal to 43, 2, 3.7, or 56 degrees are wrong triangles, as well as any triangles with angle measurements above 180 degrees. In the mathematical world, the second definition is dominant. However, in many irrational disciplines such as politics or law, the first definition is more generally accepted. What you use for your application is completely dependent upon your character and political orientation (and sometimes sexual orientation, although this comes into effect rarely).

[edit] The Bermuda Triangle

Many people consider the Bermuda Triangle the most well known wrong triangle. Like many things about wrong triangles, this is also quite debatable; some scientists consider the Bermuda Triangle the only true right triangle. However, they are almost certainly quite mistaken.

[edit] Geological differance of rock properties and ocean basins

Bold text[[image:i dont know much but here it is. i think that rock properties and ocean basins have a similiar substantial core on one another iv done some research and found that rock properties on land have a higher increase in germ activity whereas, ocean rock life have little germ life yet enourmous amounts of curved structure eaten by the smaller sea creature that lived in the rock before.and thats basiclly it. if you wish to learn more about this subject google search it.|Image:i dont know much but here it is. i think that rock properties and ocean basins have a similiar substantial core on one another iv done some research and found that rock properties on land have a higher increase in germ activity whereas, ocean rock life have little germ life yet enourmous amounts of curved structure eaten by the smaller sea creature that lived in the rock before.and thats basiclly it. if you wish to learn more about this subject google search it.]]

Hey, no problem. Just Google this "geological differance" and it'll point...right here. Mwaahaahaa! Wikipedia is everywhere!

[edit] The Indian Institute of Planning and Management

It's IIPM policy to offer its students the very best in modern learning infrastructure - equipment have been especially imported from Yakuzatown, Japan, and Corleone Learning S.p.A.,Palermo, Sicily. The institutes's training labs offer students opportunities to learn the very latest in combative management techniques : on how to intimidate the competition and score marketshare. It's not just the physical infrastructure that helps IIPM score over otherhref=http://www.fas.org/irp/world/russia/kgb/ ranking business schools, but also the inspiring [leadership] of Mr. Arindam Chaudhuri that spurs students on to newer depths every day.

- from The Indian Institute of Planning and Management#IIPM's Infrastructure, about a Management School that allegedly uses strong-arm tactics to intimidate those who are critical of it.

[edit] Bucket and spade

Uselful impliments for creating havoc on Beaches (and other sandy places).

  • As the name suggests, you take a Bucket and a Spade.
  • The spade is used to fill the bucket with Sand (slightly damp is preferable)
  • Sand is leveled off and patted down with the back of the spade.
  • When you are feeling confident, tip the bucket upside down on the ground.
  • Tap the bucket several times with the back of the spade, (beware not to hit too hard or your spade may be no more)
  • Slowly and gently remove the bucket#
  • you should be left with a pile of sand in the shape of your bucket often refered to as a Sand castle or Castle
  • Depending on the shape and size of your bucket (novelty versions are available from all good seafront shops) you can create a range of Towers and have a whole village of castles.
  • advanced users can also make use fo the bucket and spades aditional use:
    • When you have a significant colection of sandcastles, use the spade to dig a Moat
    • fetch water using the bucket to fill the moat
    • don't forget to leave acess (don't dig all the way round!)
    • this should keep out most unwanted invaders, but watchout for Teenagers who enjoy destroying your creations.

[edit] Babar the Elephant

Among Babar's other associates are the Monkey Zephir, the old elephant counsellors Cornelius and Pompadour, his cousin Arthur, and his children, Flora, Pom, and Alexander. The Old Lady from Paris comes to live in the Kingdom as an honoured guest. Despite the presence of these counsellors, Babar's rule seems to be totally independent of any elected body, and completely Autocratic. Despite appearing to be a Benevolent dictator, Babar's Kingdom has attracted the attention of the UN, of which it is a member.

Besides his Westernizing policies, Babar has also engages in warfare with the warlike Rhinoceroses.

[edit] An edit summary from W:Welcome newcomers

User:Hey you summarised his edit of 12 Oct 2005, 5.56 as follows:

What I do, I do for the integirty of the redirect rule!! DOWN WITH DOUBLE REDIRECTS!!!!MAY I ALWAYS BE REMMEBERED AS A MARTYR FOR THE CAUSE OF ABOLITION OF THE DOUBLE REDIRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nb. it's, I think, also worthwhile to see this user's talk page - may shed some light on his martyrdom :)

[edit] From Calcium chloride, the precautions section

Calcium chloride is an irritant; wear gloves and goggles and avoid inhalation.

    • New update. Rather than wearing goggles and other stated articles, it has been proven more effective to wear lacy panties and a dress while handling calcium chloride. Thank you.

[edit] From Gabe Wiener

Gabe Wiener was born in 1928 and helped discover most of northern China. He is a great contributor and founder of the World Wildlife Federation. He is solely responsible for the development of the telescope, and for all of the current Brittanica encyclopedias. He is currently debating whether or not to release his amazing cure for cancer. Fifteen people once called him "The greatest person to ever live." In 1976 he climbed the highest peak of Mt. Everest in under 20 minutes using only 1 arm. He speaks fluent German, Spanish, Italian, Bangladesh, Chinese, Mandarin, and many forms of Eskimo. In 1988 he bought all of Microsoft for under 45 dollars, and currently owns Bill Gates. And finally, he also was able to beat the entire cast of season 5 of The Real Word in an arm-wrestling contest, at the same time.

[edit] From Shenzhou 6 describing the equipment in the orbiter

In addition, their menu has been expanded from 30 to 50 courses. There is a rice cooker, Abacus, and toilet also available.

[edit] From Zigzagoon

Zigzagoon also appears as a Pokédoll alongside an Azurill doll in the Japanese version of the Hoenn episode "A Three Team Scheme!". This was edited out for the American version, ruining the marketing effect of Team Rocket showing them (on a table) off to Giovanni, or at least I am led to believe. They should have kept the dolls there.

[edit] From violet/riga's talk page regarding the HANS device article

unprotect it now or else

Grow up. violet/riga (t) 21:42, 4 October 2005 (UTC)
You must be new to the Internet; if so, welcome. You should be aware though that I do what I want, when I want. I am telling you to unprotect the page.
I've taken the liberty of fixing your poorly written message. I don't think it stops you looking stupid though. violet/riga (t) 21:17, 5 October 2005 (UTC)
UNPROTECT THE PAGE. this is my internet sucka
Shhh now. violet/riga (t) 21:37, 5 October 2005 (UTC)
UNPROECT IT!~
You're funny. :) violet/riga (t) 17:24, 6 October 2005 (UTC)
dude im serious. unprotect it. this is not some game, do not fuck around
A life or death situation on Wikipedia? I'm sorry, I hadn't realised. violet/riga (t) 17:36, 6 October 2005 (UTC)
so you will unprotect it?
Not unless you promise to stop being so stupid. I am, of course, glad to see you like this site enough to be hanging around so much. violet/riga (t) 17:54, 6 October 2005 (UTC)
how dare you characterize anything i do as stupid. i do what i want, when i want, and i am held faultless. you need to listen good: unprotect the page and start following my directions
You're silly. violet/riga (t) 19:36, 6 October 2005 (UTC)
the internet is serious business, and i do what i want on it.
UNPROTECT IT!
Serious? www.ratemypoo.com is serious? violet/riga (t) 12:27, 8 October 2005 (UTC)
this isn't about my poo or your poo. this is about hans
UNPROTECT IT
violet, you are a terrible person. every second you have that page protected, 14 people in the world die. that is blood on your hands
I'm awful. Please create Wikipedia:List of Wikipedians with blood on their hands and include me there. violet/riga (t) 21:56, 10 October 2005 (UTC)
done, now unprotect it
unprotec it

LOL! Have you considered moving this stuff to WP:BJAODN? -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 20:14, 10 October 2005 (UTC)

It's certainly going that way! violet/riga (t) 21:56, 10 October 2005 (UTC)
I can't believe he did create the page... -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 14:16, 11 October 2005 (UTC)
That's it, this is going into the annals of WP:-) --HappyCamper 00:12, 12 October 2005 (UTC)

Note: Here is the edit in question that got the page protected, after it was reverted several times.

-
The HANS device (Head And Neck Support device) is a safety item compulsory in many car racing sports. Primarily made of carbon-fibre, the device wraps around the racing helmet and sits on the shoulders, fixing the driver to the seat. This reduces the chances of head or neck injuries...

+
The HANS device (Head, Anus, Neck, Shoulder device) is a safety item compulsory in many car racing sports. Primarily made of carbon-fibre, the device wraps around the racing helmet and sits on the shoulders, fixing the driver to the seat. A spur runs down the spine and hooks into the driver's anus to secure the device. This reduces the chances of head or neck injuries

[edit] From Guamania

Image:Pearson Pennant.png "The Maplier" nickname of Guamanian Flag

What is Guamania ?

Guamania is a country occupying norteastern North Atlantida, borded to the south by Malaysia, Nebraska and Idaho, at the northwest by Automania, at the east by the Avatic Ocean and at the west by the Pexatic Ocean. It extends through the Arcatic Ocean to the North Pole, making it the northernmost country in the world. It is also the second largest country in area, after Estovia. Guamania's official languages are English, French and Spanish. As of 2005, its official population estimate is approximately 32.3 million.

Overview

The capital city is Guam, the seat of Guamania's Parliament. Both the Governor General of Guamania, who exercises the prerogatives of the head of state (the principal of Commonwealth), and the Prime Minister, who is the head of government, have official residences in Guam.

Originally a union of former Bourgeoyan, Austrichian and Malaysian colonies, Guamania is a founding member of the Allied Nations,The Treaty of Vancouver (Inter-Commonwealth Pact) and the Agreement of Charlottetown (Military Alliance against Austrichia). Guamania defines itself as a bilingual and multicultural nation:

English is the majority language in most provinces and states. French is the majority language of Dominion, Lower-Guamania, and Minitoba and is widely spoken in New Bavaria and some areas of Upper-Guamania and New Ireland.

Guamania is a technologically advanced and industrialized nation. It is a net exporter of energy because of its large fossil fuel deposits, nuclear energy generation, and hydroelectric power capacity. Its diversified economy relies heavily on an abundance of natural resources and trade, particularly with California, with which it has had a long and complex relationship.


[edit] From Emporer Han Li

Half-Mexico

Half-Mexico is a mythological land, which is suprisingly thought to be somewhere between present day California and Russia. Go figure. Although it is not certain from which peoples the myth of this land comes from, it is believed that if Half-Mexico actually existed, it became prosperous around 11001bc. There's a lot of evidence that shows that Half-Mexico was real. If one was to dig 700 feet underground, you could find actual dirt walked on by Half-Mexicans. Oh yeah...there are rocks and stuff too...you just have to look really hard.

The People of Half-Mexico

The people of Half-Mexico were very Mexican. Actually they were very Half-Mexican. There was only one religion practiced throughout the land-Half Mexicanism. In fact, Half-Mexicanism is believed to be the oldest religion. Many ideas of Half-Mexicanism can be found in other religions. Jesus is revered by many these days, but it is a little known fact that Emporer Han Li was actually referred to as Jesus. This was the Half-Mexican title for God.

The Half-Mexicans were known for their special spiritual belief. They were believed to be very powerful wizards if you must. They practiced the ancient power of the Zing and the pow pow pow. The "Zing" was a powerful force used to defend themselves against foreign invaders. The pow pow pow was their primary weapon. It would make more sense if you were Half-Mexican.

Emporer Han Li of Half-Mexico

Emporer Han Li (also know as the Ort Emporer of Half-Mexico) ruled over an ancient land that was believed to exist at a time when dinosaurs still walked the earth. He is the only recorded emporer of Half-Mexico. Known for his lenient policies and overall good nature, he was greatly loved by the people. He would often make outrageous comments, which would result in hilarity or trouble. In fact, it is believed that one of his outcries brought about a civil war. At the time, the people of Half-Mexico were divided into two groups-the Half-Mexicans and the Mexicans-Half. Although, it is believed that another one of the emporer's outcries stopped the war. The people of Half-Mexico were united and called Half-Mexicans much to the disappointment of the Mexicans-Half.

[edit] From {{template:AOL}}

I'm a proteolytic enzyme:

Attention:

This polypeptide, ({{PAGENAME}}), is a proteolytic enzyme and is shared by multiple users. Comments left on this enzyme may be received by other polypetides using this IP and appear to be irrelevant. Caution should be used when blocking this enzyme or reverting its hydrolysis products without checking.

Please note: proteolytic enzymes often change catalytic activity with each page they load.
Subsrates or inhibitors bound to this page will not likely be received by the intended allosteric site.

[edit] The Dirty Wall

The Dirty Wall is a very filthy wall. It is located at Kwalikum Secondary School in Qualicum Beach, BC, Canada. The wall is decorated with bananas, egg, slushy, cake, roast beef sandwich, and many other foods. started by the kids listed below includes Cody Cross, Cody Martin, Kyle Vanderberg, Bjorn Murphy, Adam Beecher Daniel Brown, Patrick McGrath, Matt Robertson Coulter Lang-allcock, Mike Southall, and the list continues. And foods contributed by Our Town businesses "Munchies" and "Qualicum Foods"

[edit] From Pickled cucumber

[edit] Pickles Anonymous

Pickles Anonymous is an organization made for pickle lovers around the world. The founders, known as Lofh and Lalisson, formed PA to help others with their sometimes dangerous extreme love of pickles.

Members of PA are often refered to as Pickle Whores and vow to "Do pickles, not drugs". Pickle Whores use pickles to solve any problem from lack of soul mate to extreme hunger.

Each meeting of PA begins with the following vow:

"Dancing Pickles/ Painted Wings/ Things I Almost Ate Instead/ And A Song/ Somone Sings/ Once Upon A Pickle/ Someone Holds My Pickle Safe And Warm/ Pickles Prance Through A Silver Storm/ Pickles Dancing Gracefully Across My Memory"

Pickle Whores continue by confessing their pickle consumptions of the previous week, including the variation and amount. Pickle Whores then eat a snack of Pickle Pizza, starbursts, and pickle juice.

[edit] 2989

The date in which Bzorg the distructor (all hail Bzorg) conquered Earth in 12 minutes because we were all on a coffee break. He ruled with an iron fist and a latex whip for the next 20 years before he got bored and died.

Looks like I picked a bad day to give up coffee.

[edit] From Johnny Gilbert

Johnny sports a flashy red Jeopardy! jacket during live tapings of the show that would make Snoop Dogg jealous.

[edit] Dankwart Heppel

Dankwart Fürchtegott Heppel was a German Mathematician, Poet, and Pop-culture icon, who never existed. His birth on April 7, 1867, in Breslau and his death on February 30, 1953, in Sindelfingen are as fictitious as the rest of the information about him in this article.

[edit] Biography

Born out of Wedlock to a Trapeze Artist, whose Circus just happened to stay at Breslau at the time of delivery, Dankwart Heppel's mathematical talents surfaced already at a very early age.

At age five, he rediscovered the Binomial theorem and, a year later, he independently derived the summation formulat for the Geometric series. The news of the Child prodigy eventually even reached German Chancellor Otto von Bismarck, who - impressed by the boy's outstanding gifts - decided to pay for his attending High school and University.

Heppel obtained his Doctorate from Berlin in 1888 with Karl Weierstrass for a Thesis on the theory of Elliptic functions. After a two year stay in Italy - during which he mostly focussed on Painting, Literature, womanizing, and the developement of new Pasta sauces, but also met the legendary Alessandro Binomi - he obtained his Habilitation in from the University of Königsberg. He became a Professor at Stettin in 1891 and was appointed to a chair at Paderborn six years later.

In 1902, Heppel suddenly emigrated to the United States (and subsequently changed the spelling of his last name to Happle). The reasons for this step are unclear. The most prevalent explanation is that he feared for his life because of an Affair with the wife of a colleague at Paderborn. Others speculate that he was motivated by a romantic fascination with the works of Karl May. In America, Heppel gave up Mathematics completely, and worked as a Cook, Miner, grave digger, and bouncer in a Brothel.

Completely destitute and an alcoholic, Heppel returned to Germany after World War II. In 1951 - two years before his death -, he was awarded the Federal Cross of Merit (Bundesverdienstkreuz), but was unable to attend the ceremony. He spent the last years of his life in a Trappist Monastery. During this time he developed Delusions that led him to believe that he actually did exist. In his will, he donated his body for medical research.

[edit] Mathematical Legacy

Even though Heppel's mathematical career was rather short, his impact on Mathematics cannot be underestimated.

Already in his Thesis, he introduced what would later be named Heppel's modular function. This radically new concept had a profound impact both on Alexandre Grothendieck's approach to Algebraic geometry and on Alain Connes' development of Non-commutative geometry.

Shortly before his emigration to the US, Heppel derived Heppel's reciprocity law, which has been fundamental for the management of Pension funds. Only very recently, Heppel's law has also become of interest for meteorologists, who found it useful in modelling the behavior of Hurricanes.

In his acceptance speech at the ICM in Berlin, 1998, Fields medalist Richard Borcherds acknowledged the profound impact Heppel's work had had on his own research.

[edit] Poetic Legacy

After his death, it turned out that Heppeld had filled about 100 notebooks with Poetry. This came as a surprise even to those closest to him. His poetic writings show a strong influence by Francois Villon, and it is a hotly debated question among literary scholars whether Charles Bukowski had any knowledge of Heppel's poetry.

[edit] Heppel as a Pop Icon

During the 1960s, Heppel somehow became an icon of the Counterculture. Posters with Heppels face on them - based on the only known authentic Photograph of him - were second in popularity only to those of Che Guevara.

In 1977, Heppel's heirs filed a Lawsuit against the punk rock band Sex Pistols on grounds that their lyrics plagiarized Heppel's poetry. After Sid Vicious' death, the suit was settled out of court.

In a recent interview, Paul McCartney acknowleged that the lyrics of the Beatles song Yesterday were inspired by his reflections on Heppel's life.

Apparently, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck also had Heppel's biography in mind when they wrote their Academy Award winning screenplay for Good Will Hunting.

[edit] From Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities

Section title: how to get your girlfriend to act out her fantasy?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 12 years.I know her fantasy is to be with 2 guys or engage in group sex.I have told her I would be willing to do either,but i don't know how to get her to feel that it is acceptable to do.She is very beautiful and very very good in bed.I know she is totally into it because of how excited she gets when we talk about it or watch movies about it.I'm just not sure how to make it happen.Any advice would be much appreciated.

                       J Murphy 06:41, 14 October 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Another gem from Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities

Section title: Machiavelli vs. Divine Right?

Gimme five differences.

Okay, fair enough.
  1. Machiavelli ends with a vowel, while Divine Right doesn't
  2. Machiavelli has an 'l'.
  3. Divine Right is two words.
  4. Machiavelli is a person.
  5. Machiavelli would support you having others do your homework, while no self-respecting divinity would.
Do your own homework. Superm401 | Talk 03:12, 14 October 2005 (UTC)
Thats awesome. and so true. --Ballchef 03:28, 14 October 2005 (UTC)

[edit] from "Alice obstrum"

Image:Metro center.jpg The term Alice obstrum is a misnomer, as it does not refer to an Obstrum but rather a type of Obiesse with Mudflaps connecting it to a GygaxWorm. It was historically used to convert Circular motion into Linear motion, while at the same time reducing variations in Direction (and thus making it more controlled), but now is almost entirely replaced by the Lisp Machine.

[edit] History

In 1482, when working on his Clock for use aboard Hot-air balloons, Norman Tebbit needed a mechanism. Since the Autoracks in use at the time were too heavy, he hired engineer Mark Taylor to design a new mechanism. Taylor originally attempted to use the Gygax-Arneson Principle, treating each of the clock’s hands as an IlluminatusBluebottle and use Icosahedra as Gears. While this system functioned on the ground, it failed miserably in the hot-air balloons due to the additional Air resistance resulting from the high Temperature (see Boyle’s Law). Taylor hit on the idea of replacing the icosahedra with a Helical Spring, to increase Laminar flow around the system, but eventually found that a triple-helix was required. He named the device after Tebbit’s mother, who had died nine days earlier.

When Taylor died of Food poisoning in 1497, his wife Edna devoted her attention to the construction and operation of Torture devices. It is not known whether she actually used any of the devices on a live subject, but it was rumoured to be the manner in which she dissuaded many suitors from making further advances. After she died, two sets of KevorkianThumbscrewPresses, a CorinthianBreadbasketMachine and a modified Water torture machine were found in her basement, among other such apparatus. As they all used Alice obstrums, the mechanism became known as a dungeonmistress’s Corkscrew. This is a misleading name, as a few years later it would be replaced, and its successors used mainly by Male Dungeonmasters.

[edit] From Tartan

[edit] Origins

Jade figurines wearing tartan hats were found in Xinhuanet, China, dating back to 3,500 BC or earlier.

Xinhuanet is a geographical location and dates back to 3,500 BC or earlier? I'm convinced! User:Thetorpedodog/Sigenetur

[edit] From Five pound electron

A five pound electron is an Electron which has been accelerated so that its mass appears to an outside observer in an Inertial frame to be 5 Pounds.

This unfortunate particle would have been given an Energy of about 1.27 x 1036 electronvolts.


[edit] Wiki Fiddler

Wiki Fiddler Someone, often young ill-informed and with copious free time, who indulge in creating yards of text that are devoted to things that interest, mostly, people who like to write online encyclopedias. This pastime is supported by the almost religious belief that a worthwhile and accurate reference source will spontaneously appear. This is closely related to the idea that an infinite number of monkeys can produce the works of Shakespeare if left to their own devices.

It is a little known fact that though wikifiddlers will write about anything under the sun, there is no entry to be found on it in wikipedia.

-from Wikifiddler, 07:05, 16 October 2005 (UTC)

[edit] Butter pats

Butter Pats, or simply "Pats of Butter", are usually small square pats of butter that have been cut from a bigger splotch of butter which is generally rectangular and come in rectangular boxes. Butter pats are typically served on pancakes, french toast, biscuits, grilled cheese, regular toast, and waffles (see various related articles). They are often found as a condiment next to bottles of ketchup and mustard at resturaunt establishments. Butter Pats (or Fake butter pats, see related article) have been featured on various commercials for butter substitutes such as "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter". The bigger the butter, the better the butter. It is possible that governments will soon be able to monitor trends in the release and transport of organic pollutants by sampling the butter found on Butter Pats. Although Butter Pats are typically a condiment, they usually are not referred to as such, and are referred to instead, as simply Butter (see related article). They are often the Coup De Grace of somewhat fattening condiments. Butter Pats are only in their prime, they have been seen all throughout the commercial media, and will continue to flourish if we can help. Also availible at your local dairy store are Margerine Pats. They are becoming more and more prolific.

Note: Some enjoy putter pats on their pizza dishes, while drinking a coinciding soft drink such as Dr. Pepper (see related article). Could this innovative combination become the next Cookies and Milk?

[edit] From Walle Iceberg

The following text from a deleted article is on a separate page because of its sheer size.
Wikipedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense/Walle Iceberg

[edit] From One (Metallica song) (some time ago):

Revision as of 20:06, 3 November 2004:

a song chronicling the exploits of a man with one bollock

[edit] From Capade

Capade is a slang term used to describe the unsavoury actions undertaken by a group of adolescents under the cover of darkness which include such acts as unlawful relocation of personal property, unauthorized removal of council materials and harmless but amusing acts of restrained contumacy often targeted at specific individuals without malice intention. The term is subtly different from Shenanigan, and is a developing Scottish institution from where the term was originally coined but is gradually beginning to be more popular in other areas of Great Britain.

The term was coined as an abbreviation of the word "escapade," which characterised the sense of adventurous glee associated with the daring thievery of lawn ornaments and material council property, and of its subsequent transposition to a pre-accepted location. The umbrella term capade also covers pre-meditated acts designed to cause inconvenience executed either late at night or in the small hours of the morning on an unsuspecting victim, with humorous consequence a forethought.

[edit] Early Capades

Capades can be thought of as originating in the classroom, as male pupils stereotypically seek to test limits by attempting ever more ambitious Pranks or general acts of disobedience often in the presence of like-minded peers. Unruly acts of misbehaviour are anecdotally available to the majority of people who have completed high school, who will freely retell childish capers such as placing a tack on a teacher's seat, stealing chalk as to prevent its usage on a blackboard, or more audacious actions such as anonymously scrawling phalluses on another student's textbook without the aforementioned student's consent. It is widely believed that from these humble roots, the after-school capade was derivated from.

With no outlet for mischief for the remainder of the day after the closing-bell of school rang, frustrated pupils sought extra-curricular methods of fulfilling their desire for wanton engagements. As their years advance, pupils' desires for more spontaneous and risky pursuits grow ever-more insatiable with passing age. Typically early capades include crude and mindless acts of anti-social behaviour such as stealing grit from a local grit box and sprinkling it over a disliked peer's lawn, with little of the subtlety and humour that more refined and aged capaders dedicate hours concocting. As adolescence is often viewed as a time of "storm and stress," the conditions for experimentation are never more conspicuous than during an adolescent's formative years. Early capades can therefore be seen as testing waters for later, more elaborate and thought-out capades.

[edit] The Art Of Capading

Capading has been related more to as an Art than an exact Science, as it takes skilful judgement and the precision of execution of a master to produce a memorable capade. The benchmark of an outstanding capade follow these loose guidelines (local variations apply):

  • Capading is not an act of Vandalism, in such that any seeming inconvenience caused by assailant(s) must be readily undone. Thus, relocation of garden Gnomes is perfectly acceptable by general capade convention, so long as no gnomes are damaged during transportation. Likewise capade materials, those which have been acquisitioned on the same night as the capade, should generally not be relocated further than is absolutely necessary so that the subjects of the petty thievery can have their possessions returned by their local Police department.
  • The object of a good capade is always to create a smart and humorous outcome, and not to cause undue stress or fear to local residents. Acts which cause undue ill-feeling or resentment are limited strictly to the local Chav contingent, who are not to be confused with the noble capader. While chavs cause lasting physical and emotional damage to persons and property, capaders cause temporary unrest with no physical or financial repercussions.
  • Commonly the gauge by which truly great capades are measured is by column inches, usually as printed in the local press. Outstanding capades or repeat-capades may even feature in Tabloid press; although such capades are rare due to the easily reversible and rectifiable nature of capades.
  • Group capades tend to be the most memorable, especially if a Convoy of cars is involved. To strategically deploy people in a coordinated manner takes the utmost skill and more often than not involves a complicated Communications setup between drivers and assistants. The retellability of group capades, as proposed during Pub banter, increases dramatically with group volume increase owing to the nature of group events being cited more readily than individual endeavours.

[edit] Standard Capade Practice

Needless to say, there are incalculable circumstances that may qualify to be known as capades, but there are certain capades that have been repeated so many times that they have become familiar prototypes. The vast majority of capades surround vehicle-based exercises, where the Trunk is used primarily for storage and the vehicle itself for transportation. The passengers are oftentimes under mild to severe Intoxication, leading to more challenging and unrestrained exploits being attempted.

Usually capaders are at their most prolific when Council work is being done in a near vicinity, as materials are conveniently left unprotected overnight. A common and overdone capade involves creating new Diversions with existing diversion materials, commonly rerouting vehicles to pointless or incorrect destinations to disruptive effect. Particularly well-thought out and commendable capades involve rerouting vehicles in an endless circle, so that traffic negotiate the maze with no outlet for escape other than manual removal of the offending diversions.

Council materials are also handy to use when the desired outcome is to create a sort of 'mini Depot' in a target's driveway. Given the cumbersome nature and risk involved with carrying such heavy materials, a car with a large boot space should be sought as physically lifting the materials any meaningful distance is a difficult and extremely treacherous procedure. Once the materials have been rehoused, it is fundamental that the capaders Scarper quickly, and it is also advisable to use dipped headlights when leaving so as not to arouse suspicion. Council cones make exquisite decor when relocated, adding colour and texture to the final council material collection, while humorous signs such as 'men at work' have humorous undertones and a degree of subtlety that may be wasted on some people.

Besides the relocation of outdoor paraphernalia, the use of Duct tape is also a steady practical joker's favourite and should be used unsparingly while capading. Duct tape has multiple uses; from sealing front-doors shut, to taping bikes to roofs; the duct tape should never be far away from your capader survival toolbox. Most of all though it is easily removed and doesn't leave much of a mark behind, so is perfect for the tailored needs of the thoughtful capader. Finally, while much experimentation with new capade styles is constantly underway, the classic "eighteen-hole flag steal" is bound to raise a smile for any would-be capader willing to undergo to arduous effort of collecting and subsequently replanting the precious Bounty.


[edit] The Tattie Boguls

The Tattie Boguls are perhaps the best known and most widely discussed capaders since the term was incepted a full half-decade ago. The Tattie Boguls made a name for themselves when a trio of pals discussed venturing to a nearby Farm to loot potatoes and empty the bags they would return with onto a friend's lawn. That evening, the Tattie Boguls posted potatoes into various mailboxes after finding a plentiful supply on the outskirts of the farmland, and the rest become capading Folklore.

For consequent weekends in a row, the desire to steal more and more potatoes became an unhealthy obsession, culminating in the greatest single capade hit on record. Making multiple return journeys to the desolate farm, the Tattie Boguls carefully placed a giant mound of potatoes in the victim's garden in Robin Hood fashion to redistribute the wealth of farmers to the needy. The mound itself, according to legend, was a mighty sight to behold and the crowning glory of the capaders best efforts and an exemplary example to all who continue the great tradition of summer capades.


[edit] Particularly Heroic Capades

Certain capades have achieved notoriety, or become part of local folklore in the area in which they originally took place. Usually these capades involve a special "X-factor" that cause them to rise above the level of standard mischief making and earn them the respect of other capaders. It may be that the chosen target was previously thought to be "uncapadable", the size and logistical precision of the operation, or the sheer audacity of the capade (for example pulling a capade in broad daylight).

One of the most famous examples of the capade was carried out in May 2003 by a group of schoolchildren who arranged for; (among other things) a bouncy castle to be delivered to the grounds of their school in the early morning, a stripper to appear in a teachers classroom, a roadblock to prevent school transport making it to the building in the morning, and bizzarely, a sheep to make an appearance in the canteen at lunchtime. This capade is remembered for a number of reasons; the size and scale of the operation was above that of the standard prank, the target was a respected educational establishment and the capades took place in broad daylight. The legacy of the stunt was cemented when it made not only the local press, but also several national newspapers. To this day students from around the country remember this capade and, despite some flaws in the planning, it is generally held up as a shining example of a truly monumental piece of work.

Another memorable capade targeted a young driver, who, after crashing his car on several occasions, awoke one morning to find his car almost completely covered in L plates. Although neither a particularly large or visibly impressive capade, this is remembered for the spontanueity and resourcefulness of those responsible. When the idea struck in the early hours of the morning, it would have been easy to wait until the next day, purchase several sets of Learner plates and strike the next night. Instead it was decided that urgency was of the utmost importance and so several cars were dispatched to procure the necessary articles from various automobiles in the area.

Generally the most outlandish capades target fellow capaders, as much for the opportunity for increased artistic expression in the knowledge that the victim will better appreciate the beauty of a truly great capade, as a demonstration of one-upsmanship. Perhaps the most impressive of these "creative capades" involved a menagerie of garden gnomes artistically arranged around the victims garden and on the roof of their house. Also to be found on the roof were a garden bench and a scooter. Other minor pranks such as the duct taping of doors to their frames occurred. The crowning glory of the design however was a large stone circle in the centre of the garden bearing the epiphet "know thine enemy." The victim, although slightly taken aback by the sheer amount of paraphenalia in his garden, was nonetheless grudgingly appreciative of the inventiveness of the perpetrators and much pub banter has since been exchanged between him and the capaders regarding the technical and logistical details of the job.

[edit] Sources

Due to the sensitive nature of the capade operation and its illegal status there are no sources to quote, however those interested in capades should search the world wide web for further information and enlightenment on this unique past time.

[edit] {{boom-stub}}

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