# UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/Go directly to Bad Jokes, Do not Delete, do not collect Other Nonsense

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense,
you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love (but PLEASE cite your sources!)

This page is full up. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, UnSource:Wikipedia_BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love.

The name is a reference to the Monopoly board game, in which some of the cards read: "Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect \$200."

## From BJAODN main page:

Hello. I like Rusty Penis.

## from Emo

This confused me, so I felt it belonged here.

### Origins

Template:Main The arliest traces of emo culture can be attested to an ancient Afro-Asiatic peoples who called themselves "Aimu," later becoming a loanword in Ancient Greek as "Emo," meaning "he who wears black." The Aimu were conquered by the egyptians in 1000 BC, leaving little trace of their own culture, except for the trademark mascara worn by the egyptian pharos.

### The second Golden Age of Emo

In 66 AD, a young merchant of emo descent living in Cairo had a vision. He said that fourteen years from the night of his revelation a prophet would appear to call upon the emos to rise up and release their inner self-hatred. True to his word, a man with the name of La'inthuqa, meaning "Rites of Spring," had a vision. Although he was only a farmer, he claimed to be a prophet of the supreme being, and translated two ancient golden CDs given by him into a doctrine to by followed by the emo people. But when he arrived at the city, he saw that the people had sinned, and were listening to Bubble gum pop. He broke the CDs into pieces, and ran to hide in the mountains. There he meditated for 20 years, trying to achieve the perfect balance of harmony. Once he reached the mountains, however, he was scouted out by dogs, and sent to the electric chair. This is why emos despise dogs and bless one another with tiny electric chairs.

More Emo Jokes!

The Emo race oringanally came from some island it the Altantic Ocean.It is rumoured they were throw out of Atlantis for being weird. They then landed om the coast of Mexico and made their way up to America and co. But they migrated in the late 20th century to other parts of the world including Europe and they've been there ever since!

## From BJAODN main page:

This is one of the oldest junk pages on Junkipedia. Here is the original junk explanation:

## From Hawaii Department of Motor Vehicles

The 'Hawaii Department of Motor Vehicles' is extremely difficult to navigate because each of the 4 Counties, County of Maui, County of Hawaii, County of Kauai and the City and County of Honolulu each have their own rules and forms. Phone numbers are difficult to find and the State is unserstaffed. Therefore, if you are moving to any County you will need to learn about that County's regulations and attempt to contact them.

If you are moving to Hawaii and shipping your vehicle, you are now able to obtain your State of Hawaii license plates, Certificate of Title and Certificate of Registration, before you ship your vehicle from the U.S. Mainland. The Registration by Mail program is available if you can provide a physical address on any island. By obtaining your registration in advance you can save many hours of waiting in line and possibly be rejected for not having the proper documents.

You can apply for registration by mail from any County DMV or there is a private company, called Bold textAloha Vehicle Registration ServiceBold text, that also provides this service, however, it has service charges over any above what the County charges. The choice is yours, but they will save you valuable time and they also provide great information about shipping your vehicle, how to do it, who to call and costs.

## From Victory Auto Wreckers/Temp

Victory Auto Wreckers is a large seven-acre junkyard located in the Chicago suburb of Bensenville, Illinois. Although Victory is virtually indistinguishable from other junkyards in Chicago and Northwest Indiana in terms of both appearance and quality, thousands of people in Chicago are familiar with the business because of the company's ubiquitous television commercial.

The Victory Auto Wreckers commercial has been running on local TV stations nonstop since 1981, sometimes as often as thirty times a week. It may well be the longest-running unchanged commercial in Chicago TV history. It begins with the phrase "That old car is worth money!" TV historian Steve Jajkowski remarks that "The Victory spot holds an important place in Chicago television history. It is as much a part of Chicago TV as Bozo, Fahey Flynn and Svengoolie."

The skinny guy is Bob Zajdel of Elmwood Park. He is 45, now drives a truck for Map Transportation in the nearby suburb of Elk Grove Village, and says he wasn't acting when he jumped back from that falling door. "That was me just getting away," he says. "I was supposed to give a little fake jump, but when the door came down like a shear, I had to jump or I would have got hit. It could have really cut me."

Zajdel was a driver for Victory in 1981 when the company's owner, Ken Weisner, asked him if he wanted to be in a commercial. "We went out there one morning and shot it, and I went back to work," he says. "I was on the clock, so I didn't get paid anything extra. I was stupid enough to sign a waiver."

Zadjel's only consolation may be the fact that the commercial made him somewhat of a minor celebrity in the area. People in bars bought him drinks. They asked to touch his watchband. And the folks at Victory give him a discount on parts.

For years, the commercial ran only on WGN-TV. Now, in the non-cable world, it also runs on channels 32, 44, 48 and 50. It was estimated in early 2006 that the commercial had run 32,000 times on WGN alone since it was created.

## From Prebbleman

Ben 'Prebbleman' Prebble was one of the first wrestlers to join the now popular KWF. His background story was as follows:

"Prebbleman is a member of kwf, knox wrestling federation. prebbleman comes from the icy tundra of northern russia, where legend has it he fought numerous sabre tooth tigers and woolly mammoths, eventually putting them into extinction. From the far reaches of Siberia he was captured by a special team of KWF superstars (among them POP, The Bandit, and Joshman). The KWF chairman had to have this massive machine of a man, weighing in on a set of truck stop scales, Prebbleman was an incredible 500 pounds of pure Russian muscle. Though he was 7 foot 5" he was incredibly hard for the team to find. The budget was way overshot, with Chris Cleveland nearly being put out-of-pocket. However, 5 elephant tranquilizers eventually got the giant while he was eating the carcass of a slain mammoth (the last mammoth left) that he had previously sedated with a "PREBMISSION"."

Though ridiculous in claim, (driving prehistoric creatures to extinction was obviously a hoax created by now fortune-500 CEO Chris Cleveland), he did garner a large following from the homosexual community. His homosexual popularity was particularly evident during the storyline which involved him taking estrogen in order to compete for the KWF women's championship after he was declared 'suspended indefinately' from KWF Heavyweight championship Participation. His body physiologically never recovered; he became increasingly depressed about the buxom bosom he had developed.

The years in post-retirement were unkind to Prebbleman. He suffered a near lethal bout of syphillis which grossly mis-shaped the appearance of his left lower limb and his famous right bicep (his proclaimed 'Gunnus Maximus'). Forced to turn to private medical avenues, it is reported that he appeared at the office of Chris Cleveland prior to the sold-out KWF PPV, 'KWF Super Wrestling Mania III' at Te Whare Wananga o Otago, and placed a gun to Chris Clevelands head. Only after being wrestled into submission by superstars 'Mr. Millionaire Mistry' and 'Da Sheik Of Arabia' was he subdued.

In the aftermath of the event, a mistrial resulted. He was officially released from the company on his effigy burnt on Castle St during PPV 'Castle Chaos.'His medical fortune worsened and he died from heart failure (believedly from steroid misuse) in following years.

He has recently been 're-popularised' by continual references on TV Shows such as 'Queer Nation.'

## Continental Air Force

The Continental Air force was an aeronautical unit of the Continental Army during the American Revolution. It was formed by patriot Mel Gibson and his anti-British Hollywood friends. Gibson was outraged by the fact that the pommies had beat the Aussies at the Ashes recently and that part of Ireland was still ruled over by the Redcoats. By 1780 he had had enough and begged unto the Lord to give him tools to which innocently butcher the evil British and make a Hollywood Blockbuster out of. The Lord rewarded him with twenty World War One biplanes to blast the backsides off the evil redcoats which had shot his sons and raped his wife. He raised nineteen God fearin`, law abiding, teetotalling, vegetarian, puritan men who passionatly hated the redcoats. They set to work strafing the redcoats succesfully until evil moustache twirling Col Tavington, his evil pet monkey and his band of German Fokker aircraft started attacking the God fearin`, law abiding, teetotalling, vegetarian, puritan Patriots and their beautiful well behaved, blonde haired and blue eyed children who wer`ent Jewish and by the age of six already knew how to kill 20 men with a straw. Gibson`s unit was ambushed one day and lost many fine men, this was down to the fact that a black liberal and a homosexual white man, who were members of the unit gave in to Satan who was the King of the Evil British Empire who enslaved the mad Irish and clever Scots . He prayed unto the Lord later that day and was rewarded with several F-22 Raptor aircraft with wich to blast the hell out of the redcoats with. At the Battle of the Box Office, Tavington and Gibson clashed. Tavington`s menwere blown out of the sky and the clueless bubling Redcoats were [[wp:disembowled by the powerful missiles the Raptors threw out. And the God fearin`, law abiding, teetotalling, vegetarian, puritan Patriots won the battle but not before Gibson and Tavingotn clashed in the sky. Both men ran out of ammo and were reduced to shouting patriotic insults and melodramatic poses to defeat each other. Eventully Tavingotn had severe migrane and his plane crashed to the ground in a ball of fire. His evil pet monkey though got revenge and ripped Gibson`s genitals out. The monkey was later put to sleep. The patriots buried their great hero in the good old American soil he fought for and they looked out heroically on their next conquest. Iraq.

## User talk:BabySnugz

HIII NENERRZZZZZZZZZZZZ LMAOOO

HIII JAYLAAA

F*** u Mr. Smith :)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

I HATE ME PHONES THEY NEVA RING!

lmao anywayyerzz

XDrockstarDX

## Dildo

A young dildo just waking from a nap

A dildo (or dildoe, a rare alternate spelling) is a Forrest creature, often found in the Pacific Northwest, who's natural habitat is being eradicated by lumberjacks and more recently, housewives, who desire the delicous dildo meat above all others.

### History

Recent digs show that the Egyptians were especially fond of the dildo, which they imported from Seattle regularly. The Egyptians found their aroma and song delightful, and were all but to happy to keep them as pets. Alas, due to the streinous 9-5 work weeks the dildos were over used, being forced to sing until the early morning, so sadly, over the next fifty years, the dildo evolved into the beautiful buttplug-fly, and flew away to the ivory coast . Dildos are also mentioned, figuratively, in the Bible (see Ezekiel 16:17). More recently dildo's have been poping up around the globe as political figures of power, and in Hollywood. Some Notable Dildo's are:

The band U2

## Thomas Payne

Thomas "Really Straight Tom" Payne (1719 - 1799)he was a well-known bookseller in 18th-century London. His premises were notoriously small, but exceptionally popular with literati of that period, to the point where his shop became a sort of club during the day for discussions on all subjects. During the early 1740s, harbouring political ambitions, Payne founded a short lived discussion group whose primary object was the creation of a set of principles of government based on biblical ideals. After failing to agree on even a single such ideal by 1749, the group turned their attention to the correct application of needlepoint stitch types, producing a series of popular pamphlets, the best-selling of which was entitled 'Running with Stitches - The Pocket Guide to Wholesome Embroidery'. He retired to Finchley in 1790 leaving the business in the hands of his son, also Thomas Payne (1752 - 1831), and died in 1799. During the final years of his life he tried to create an illustration of the bible using cross-stich, the size of 3 croquet lawns. He was unable to finish it but managed to complete up to Exodus. the cross-stich marvel can be found hanging in the departure lounge of Finchley international airport. He is buried at St Mary’s church in [[wp:Finchley]----

"Thomas Payne" is also an alternative spelling for Thomas Paine, the American revolutionary and founding father.

## The True da Vinci Code: The da Wiki Code

In the book The da Vinci Code, Dan Brown suggests that you can outline an M in the painting of The Last Supper:

The presence of the M is dubious at best. A much clearer letter can be outlined:

As any historian will tell you, the W stands for Wikipedia. Leonardo da Vinci foresaw this great online encyclopedia, affectionately known in Italian as "da Wiki". It has been suggested that the code for Wikipedia is based on some of da Vinci's plans for a mechanical freely editable encyclopedia that would have, at the time, been the size of seven football fields.

## From Talk:John Titor

John Titor is much more well substantiated than Jesus

Maybe. But he's got a smaller fan club. --JGGardiner 21:22, 7 March 2006 (UTC)

## From Unofficial Football World Championships

The winners of the first ever international match are taken as the first holders of the title. This was however a "rather unexciting" 0-0 draw between England and Scotland, on November 30th, 1872 at Hamilton Crescent. The players in the game were probably not desperately upset to have missed out on their chance to become the first Unofficial Football World Champions - mainly because the idea wasn't thought up for another century and a quarter.

## From User talk:12345

### fat people

fat5 poeple the y are really over waght things. i think the government should make it a law to be fat and and not let fat pople go to public places

## From Eternal unconsciousness

It has been suggested that this article or section be merged into Hell. (Discuss)

...gee, I didn't think it was that bad.

Just pointing out, this is back up on that page.

## Cabot johanson

Cabot Johansen (January 6, 1808 – December 14, 1799) was the Commander in Chief of Bolshevik in the Korean Revolutionary War (1966-1980), and later turned coats to the socialist side. he held a "Golden Scepter" from 1789 to 1797, Because of his central role in the founding of the N.E.J logging corporation, KWJ is often called the "Father of his Children". Scholars rank him among the greatest of the magistrates.

He gained prominence leading troops from Seoul in support of the Swedish Empire during the little-known French and Chinese War (1930–1999), a conflict which he inadvertently helped to start. After leading the Turkish victory in the War, he relinquished his military prowess, and returned to civilian life, an act that brought him much rectification.. In 1787, he jumped over the Constitutional Chair that sat in the middle of the rectangular office, in 1789, was the unanimous choice to become the first President of the Soviet Union. His twelve-term administration set many policies and traditions that survive today. After his third term expired, he again retired to civilian life, establishing an important precedent of peaceful change of government that was to serve as an example for the U.S.S.R. and for other future republics.

## Constitutional Chair

chair in the rectangular office that Cabot johanson jumped over declaring independance, in 1989.

## Riverpig

RiverPig - A pig that swims in the water. Example: a hippo

## From Shiloh

Some Christians believe Gen. 49:10 to be a prophecy for Jesus while some Muslims believe it is a prophecy for Muhammad.

Perhaps this savior is the child of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. With lips aflame and abdominal muscles flexed, he will rise up and destroy all evil. Jesus is a movie star.

## vogga vogga

${\displaystyle FJDLKDFJLKDFJLKDFJDF}$

YOU SUCK JOHNNNNNNNNY CAGE

__         .__
_____   ____________/  |______  |  |
/     \ /  _ \_  __ \   __\__  \ |  |
|  Y Y  (  <_> )  | \/|  |  / __ \|  |__
|__|_|  /\____/|__|   |__| (____  /____/
\/                        \/
____  __.________      _____ __________    ________________
|    |/ _|\_____  \    /     \\______   \  /  _  \__    ___/
|      <   /   |   \  /  \ /  \|    |  _/ /  /_\  \|    |
|    |  \ /    |    \/    Y    \    |   \/    |    \    |
|____|__ \\_______  /\____|__  /______  /\____|__  /____|
\/        \/         \/       \/         \/

edited to get rid of cursing. but i do like that somebody fixed this. i'm improesssssssssssssss

Wow thats kewl

## From Portal:Theatre

Colley Cibber (June 11, 1671November 12, 1757) was an English playwright, actor, and flaming homosexual. He spent many a night carousing around with his friends, molesting and fornicating with the street waifs that were prominent in Jolly Ol' England at the time.

Unencyclopaedic, to say the least. HAM 08:29, 31 May 2006 (UTC)

## From Miller Lite

==Common Nicknames==
Miller lite is commonly known by the following nicknames:
* Paul Molitor

## From Leopard

There are between 7-30 subspecies of leopard (one of them extinct) though not all of these are accepted as distinct by all authorities; below is a list of some of the related animals and their latin names.

You forgot "Def Leopard"!

## Revision history of Talk:2006 Atlantic hurricane season

1. (cur) (last) 13:40, May 31, 2006 86.134.250.190 (Just to remove the last edit from my watchlist)
2. (cur) (last) 12:42, May 31, 2006 Storm05 m (→It's going to start tomorrow!!! will somebody rub my clitoris??? - Reverted edits by 203.177.236.84)

## Amanda Beartrap Smith

### Amanda (Bear Trap) Smith

The only known holder of the Baer Trap out side of gelgimeck 3. Often used as a refernce to the popular game of Clevege Ball

## Manny's face

Just Kiddy. Go home Manny.

## Milky Way Slide.

Milky Way Slide was a commercial that started appearing on tv in 2003. It featured a young blonde woman removing her high heels and sliding down the hallway in her nylons to a milky way vending machine. She then eats the milky way and enjoys it.

Why this is pleasurable

-the taste of the milky way bar

-taking off a pair of high heels

-sliding down the hallway against the wind

-the sensation of the cold floor on the soles of her feet.

## From Kidz Bop

Placed under the category Torture.

## Pharfalls

Pharfalls are a mix between a groundhog and a crab these new creaturs are very rare and hard to find they live in habitat buy lakes rivers and salt water ponds they burrow holes on the waters edge these animals love the water they can stay under water for up to 7 hours these Pharfalls have shell with a furry surface over it they have front claws and hind legs like a groundhog they have a bunch of legs on there backs for quick get aways they can walk on 2 or 4 legs or the back ones they are aggresive animals expesily when they have eggs or young in there pouch the pouch is on there belly in order for an egg to hatch it must be 69 degrees or over these animals can grow from a rang of 4in to 24in they have tail and a very thick skull becouse they head butt to settle fights they have big teeth and small brains they use ambush as there way of getting food these animals will eat almost anythingeven small humans if they can get them they are in they phylun crabhog these animals can live up to 50 years but if moved out of enviorment its ammune system gets very week and will die easily this animal has only one weekness it is segmented wormes such as tapeworms there is a chemical in them that kills this animal these animals are related to crabs groundhogs badgers ligers tigons anf hippos but they say that this animal will go extinct in a few years becouse of people trying to move them so if you want to help the Pharfalls foundation call 1-800-242-0100

DC

## From Taco Bell Monster

File:TBM mike3.JPG
A slogan poster of the TBM conservation league (TBMCL)
One of the few natural pictures of a TBM

The Origins of the Creature

There are few unexplained mythological beasts left in our modern world, and the Taco Bell monster is one of them. It is referred to by many names (e.g: T.B.M or The Horror From Beyond the Border), the most frightening being the one given by the native population that inhabits the lands of northern Mexico which it roams: El Diablo de Las Granjas. The name commonly used in the United States (Taco Bell Monster) is derived from the simple fact that all the meats needed to make the chalupas, quesadillas, etc. of Taco Bell (beef OR chicken) are derived from this single organism. Therefore, it has a positive connotation and has endeared itself to North American hearts.

A More Sinister Nature?

However, the Mexican name (translated 'Devil of the Farms') implies that the creature has a more sinister nature that those north of the border are oblivious to. While we have no credible sources of the creature's true behavioral patterns, attention must be paid to these claims of the supposedly violent or dangerous animal. It has replaced the Chupacabra as the more modern scourge of Mexico, its legend being constantly whispered throughout the country.

A Vital Link in History's Chain

The animal is thought to have lived for more than millions of years in its native home, and fossil evidence supports that the cow/chicken hybrid has indeed been around for a very long time. While seemingly insignificant, the creature has played many important roles in world history. During the Siege of Tenochtitlan in 1519, these animals are said to have fought alongside the Aztec warriors to try to dispel the conquistadors, led by Cortés, from their shores. A touching memoir was left by one warrior that opens our eyes to the bond that developed between man and beast during this great battle:

"And the Diablos, they ask for nothing in return for their services. I feel they are just as pasisonate as I in defending my homeland. They attack the white men with fury such that I have never seen before....when one falls in battle, a piece of myself dies along with it because I feel that they are the embodiment of the Aztec Spirit, that we will fight to the death and with all our resources to dispell these murderers from our great city"

A Turbid Future

There is no doubt that the animals have helped the Mexican people in the past, but as of late they have apparently turned on their former ally and become a renegade species. What caused this is unclear, but the mass slaughter of these animals to supply the Taco Bell's demands may be a contributing factor.

The T.B.M has been mass-hunted to meet the demands of the U.S., and so its numbers are declining every day. Once proud herds of these indigenous and majestic beats have been reduced to small family groups, and no one if sure how long this animal can continue to exist, with Taco Bell being such a popular restaurant.

A Ray of Hope Some people have taken up the T.B.M cause and are fighting for its conservation. While it is uncertain just how much activists can do to help, its never a bad idea to try. Perhaps one day the Taco Bell Monster can return to being the proud species it once was....only time will tell.

## Regarding the Great Signature Debates

It's times like this where I'm tempted to pull out my other signature.

 Carnildo the Great Talk Contributions/Articles Email Cat's photo Hit list Watch list Shit list Hero list Favorite article Second-favorite Link-of-the-day Porno-of-the-day

## August 26

August 26 can mean:

## May 6

May 6 can refer to:

## From Steve Jobs

The idea for a personal computer based on a one-button mouse system and graphical "windows" was the brainchild of a certain demon named "Bad Ideas" and the devil himself around the time of World War 2. According to Hades birth records the Apple computer was severely deformed with severly limited coolness and a very strange growth from the top of its processor. This growth was later found to contain a yet undiagnosed disease that cause poverty and suckiness. Therefore, one can then blame the Apple iMac for the world's problems. At the age of five years, the Apple computer became too violent for its dark parents who decided it was time to take it out back and shoot it. It was then that the scared and crappy personal computer "Hulked-out" and mildly agitated the Devil by rubbing his furry shin the wrong way. The Devil then let a gloriously loud obscenity whose shockwave completely destroyed Hiroshima. Later, the Allies saw this attack and repeated it. Anyway, long story short, the little bundle of crap was left on the doorstep of one Mr. Wozniak who took the idea for his own.

## From Chelmsford

The total population of the area covered by the Borough council is 157,748 (ONS 2004 estimate). Approximately 60,000 live in the town itself, and over 42,400 in the surrounding suburban and semi-rural parishes. Around 16,600 live in South Woodham Ferrers. The remainder of the population live in the surrounding rural areas, including the villages of Bicknacre, East, West and South Hanningfield, Boreham, Ford End, Pleshey, Highwood, Good and High Easter, Chignal St James, Chignal Smealy, Howe Green, Roxwell, Great and Little Leighs, Broomfield, Great and Little Waltham, Little Baddow, Danbury, Sandon, Rettendon, Runwell, Margaretting, Stock and Writtle. (Source: population derived from 2001 census).

A caricature of a Chelmsford Chav

Chelmsford is also home to a vast 'Chav' community and is considered by some to be the second most Chav populated town in Essex (second only to Southend). Chavs congregate around various parts of the town, usually in flocks. The best place to view Chavs in their natural habitat in Chelmsford used to be outside the town's McDonalds where they used to perch on the benches, quacking at passers-by and being a general nuisance. However, in 2003 the benches were moved by Chelmsford County Council as a result of vast amounts of Chav-droppings being left about where they perched coupled with attacks on members of the public. Now the Chavs are more spaced out, however flocks are still viewable along the river-walk near Riverside Leisure Centre.

Note to Chav-spotters: As well as being home to the normal flocks of puny, cowardly Chavs, Chelmsford is also home to a rather more violent Chav species known as the 'Melbourners' (named after the shitty housing estate from which they originate). The 'Melbourners' travel around in vast groups to ensure that if they decide to attack an unsuspecting human being, there is little chance any of them will be injured (see Coward).

A religion that worships pies. JoJo Pieism is an example of one of the five known sects. JoJo pieists believe the pie has come to earth in the form a man called JoJo. For more info visit: http://www.jojo-pieism.tk

## From wp:Grey goo#Famous quotes

• "Don't let grey goo happen to you", Smokey the Robot

## From No Wan

Waiter, there is no Wan in my China food. Fetch me some Wan or I will put something nasty in your butt and burn your wife's vagina. DO YOU THINK I'M PLAYING???!!!

## From Harry potter drinking game

The Harry Potter drinking game is a game involving alcoholic beverages and the Harry Potter movies or books. Players have some sort of alcohol drink on hand as they go through the movie(s); every time a certain event takes place players take a shot or drink. Examples include: When a spell is uttered, take drink. When Voldermort is mentioned, take drink. When a character is angry, take drink.

Many choose to make up their own list.

## From Sean Murphy

He is now with a beautiful, smart women named Jessica Vasilou. He describes her as very attractive and slightly smarter than him (just). She has a russian imported brother, Vladimir. Being a former union slave he has aspirations to succeed like his inspiration Sean Murphy. He's very optomistic!

Back to Sean now, he's a self made tactical, buisness minded, charitable genius and together with jess' looks to complement him and her cleaning ability (speciality - dishes)they'll create an unstopable empire that will take the world by storm. Brace yourself!!!

## From Cake cannon

The Cake Cannon is a device, still in development, that comes in large and small sizes. Template:Fact Its primary purpose is shooting cakes into the users mouth at a selectable speed using a control panel. The device can also be used for neutralising targets and for photocopying.

The larger device utilises a nuclear powered engine capable of firing up to 5 medium sized cakes per second. The recommended speed however is 2 cakes per second. The larger device uses the nuclear powered engine for fast photocopying at a rate of 21 pages per second.

The smaller device utilises a smaller electric motor powered by batteries and rechargeable, firing up to 8 cupcakes per second, with a recommended speed of 4 cakes per second.

The cake cannon is seen as an admirable weapon, which if used in the armed forces, could answer a more painless solution to neutralising targets. A proposal has been sent to integrate this weapon onto the RAF Typhoon F2 in the near future for use in neutralising insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan.

## From wp:Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities#what's wrong with WP editors' reading comprehension skills?

Why is it we didnt iniolate iran Harvey Stanfield jr

to me completely obviously means:

Why is it we didn't annihilate Iran.
[~] Harvey Stanfield Jr.
Given the heading that was chosen -- "Sadam Husain" -- it is not at all clear to me why the question would reference Iran. What is clear is that our anonymous ranter is somewhat confused about the history of the events of 9/11/2001, and the involvement (or complete lack thereof) of Saddam Hussein. And that he probably should switch to decaf. --LarryMac 17:04, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
Please note that "we" also assume some pov. If the question is: "Why did Wikipedia not annihilate Iran?", the answer might be that no-one nominated it for annihilation, or else that the outcome of the debate was: Keep – no consensus. --LambiamTalk 17:07, 2 June 2006 (UTC)

Saw this example of consensus-building, and was left with a new respect for the power of Wikipedia. I mean, we can annihilate countries, right? --Ssbohio 00:55, 3 June 2006 (UTC)

## From Jews

Who can forget the biggest tribute to Jews ever, when Britney Spears sang, "Baby, I'm so into Jews. They got that matza, how can I lose?"

## Pisaab

Pisaab is the act of pisaabing to relieve one's self. Often a person would purge their bowels and pisaab. Sometimes people pisaab great volumes after driking fluids, and sometimes people feel burning when they pisaab.

People can be considered to be pisaabs as well if they display characteristics of the nature of pisaab.

## From User talk:Jimbo Wales

### You are not good friends to Mr Wales. Shame on you!!

I move that from here on out, no one call Mr. Wales Jimbo. Clearly, choosing to be voluntarily called something that could otherwise be seen as an insult to one's intelligence or even his manliness is a sign of self-abuse(which everyone has the right to.) However, if we care for Mr. Wales, surely some consideration is due of the fact that he willingly, nay, actively encourages people to call him by a name that conjures images of hillbillyism, incest, and vagrancy when the original appellation itself is one of considerable majesty and tradition. Respecting people's wishes on what to be called is one thing; what we are doing is -enabling- masochistic behavior that not only inflicts serious damage to the character of Mr. Wales, but possibly carries this damage over to Wikipedia's credibility. I can imagine many a "computer illiterate" reading the various articles about Mr. Wales and saying, "Encyclopedias run by someone named Jimbo, now -that- is the reason I don't want to ever get on the internet." This may be close-minded, but I can't say that I blame them.

Someone who had come up with Einstein's insights before him, had he called himself Jimbo would have been rejected flat-out, rightly, on principle. If Genghis Khan had been Jimbo Khan the Mongols wouldn't have followed him to a garden of every earthly delight, let alone to the trials of conquest. Fate is a cruel mistress that she did not inspire the parents of some despot like Joseph Stalin to inflict him with such a charisma-cancelling, horror-inflicting name, for surely the gulags would have been only in his mind, not in reality, had this been the way of destiny.

This appeal is not to Mr. Wales himself, for he must truly be beyond help, in an ivory tower of sorts, cavorting around as though being named Jimbo is acceptable in civilized society. This appeal is to those giving him the power to disregard every measure of decency known to mankind, by continuing to honor a request-allbeit one that can be made only in the good faith provided by accidentally walking out of your house naked and wondering why everyone stares-that negates the many good qualities the man has. If you cared for him, would you let him commit suicide even if it were his wish? Would you let him go to a photoshoot in a clown's outfit? Would you continue to allow the man to do something worse than the aforementioned examples? Well that's what you're going to have to ask yourself. Do some soul searching, and do a pragmatic analysis of the facts. I'm surprised I had to be the one to say it, but enough fooling around. The farce has gone on long enough. Who will follow me in donating the funds for a legal name change? Everyone who cares for Mr. Wales, that's who. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 63.254.143.241 (talk • contribs)

If we care for "Mr. Wales", we'll call him what he wants to be called. I do believe he wishes to be called "Jimbo"? --james(lets talk) 11:07, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
It isn't possible to have carried out the prescribed soul-searching in such a short amount of time. If he desired to jump in front of a bus, would you allow it? Pragmatically either answer is acceptable and is not a test of your character. Saying what you said, however, necessarily predicts the answer to this question.
Straw man. This is his name, not whether he'd jump in front of a bus. Call him what you like, but he does refer to himself as Jimbo and none of your straw man arguments are going to change that. --james(lets talk) 11:17, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
A Straw man can only occur if A and B are distinguishable. The devastation of jumping in front of a bus and being called Jimbo are the exact same. You could try for Post hoc ergo propter hoc if you wanted to though. Since one inevitably leads to another.
Whatever, I've made my point. See you on BJADON! --james(lets talk) 11:27, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
It can't be coincidence that almost every sanctioned attempt at humor like the BJADON section itself(see 'in-sand-ity' etc) and other policy pages very likely are some of the most corny humor in the world, can it? BJADON itself would have to go into BJADON then, and I'm not sure on the Wikipedia policy on infinite regress.
His legal name is Jimmy (or Jim), not Jimbo. So I don't see the need for a "legal name change" fund. --Chris (talk) 11:09, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
I do only because most self-destructive behaviors are notoriously addictive, and relapse is certainly aided considerably with something so close to the original problem behavior at hand.The preceding unsigned comment was added by 63.254.143.241 (talk • contribs)
This is just hilarious. I'm adding this to BJAODN ASAP. --D-Day What up? Am I cool, or what? 11:26, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
Huzzah! --james(lets talk) 11:27, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
Thanks for recognizing, I'll give up on this shortly, but even more amusing would of course be someone who will engage with a person who will readily dispense with the rules of logic(ie a troll or someone bored enough) as would of course to be required to author something as ridiculous as what I have.
Umm ... doesn't anyone have anything better to do? Colonel Tom 11:49, 3 June 2006 (UTC)
Telling the trolls from the genuinely deluded fanatics can sometimes be difficult. *Dan T.* 12:50, 3 June 2006 (UTC)

## From Sport

Bold text Sports started around -1 b.c These 'SPORTS" STARTED BY THROWING AN EXTREMELY LARGE ROCK OFF A CLIFF WHICH THEN LANDED ON A PERSON. This is now known as tennis. Base ball was started by inserting balls into a unicorns ass. Handball was slapping a mans testicles until they fell off then throwing them at a wall. Usually handball ended in a man being eaten by a philosiraptor aka a chicken. If this chicken was angered they began to throw buckets of sperm at it. This is now volleyball. Cricket began by actually ripping off your own penis and hitting a very hard rock withit. People enjoyed this because afterwards the players would throw the "bats" orpenises to the crowd. Women and children then liked to eat these like bananas If you would like to play these games call phone number redacted.

## Reference desk weirdness

from Wikipedia:Reference desk/Humanities, not deleted nonsense per se, but still beautiful

this is a matter of life or

very important that i finish thi

You'll have no trouble if yo (DJ Clayworth 18:03, 1 June 2006 (UTC))
If I were you I would calm dow Tyrenius 19:37, 1 June 2006 (UTC)
I really thi — Lomn Talk 19:43, 1 J
It's in the cave of Aaaarrrrrggggh! Geogre 21:23, 1 June 2006 (UTC)
They couldn't hit an elephant from that dist Grutness...wha? 01:26, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
This is what you're looki --DavidGC 03:22, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
Could you please suitly em --212.202.184.238 04:19, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
Damn pastatu...hotclaws**==(81.136.163.210 08:02, 2 June 2006 (UTC))
I wi -- Ferkelpa

Chivas de Guadalajara are a Mexican football team, and according the wikipedia article:

"they are the winningest club in Mexican soccer history"

What's wrong with that, exactly? Winningest is a valid word where North American sports are concerned.

## Short, Consice, and To the Point

[1] . I kinda agree with him.

## From Funny eirik

Eirik Folkestad is better known as the Rat King in his native country Norway because of his unusual looks. His face is exactly the same as a rat and this has made him on of the most famous Norewegians of all time. He was born in Bodø 02.01.87 and lived in Hamarøy for 4 years. Hamarøy is a small place in northern parts of Norway, so he could live there without being shown publicly by the media(Nrk).

His family was poor, and they had bad luck with selling their potatoes because of the body fluids all the polar bears left in the field. The crops was always smelling polar bear piss so his family moved to Volda trying to take advantage of Eirik Folkestad's looks. In Volda he was targeted by a host of talent agents and the one who signed him was a local girl, Laila Tryggeseth, from the neighbour town of Ørsta. She sold his services to a local Circus, and there he became a big star. Laila Tryggeseth was a money grabbing snake in the gras, but thanks to her Eirik Folkestad got to travel around with a lot of famous artist like the once on Karl I. Hagen, Harald Krøvel and Pippi Langstrømpe.

After 15 years performing at the Circus, Eirik Folkestad was no longer so popular. People was getting tired of watching the Rat-a-like boy, and now he has quit the Circus and started a career as a stand up comedian. Laila Tryggeseth recently has released him from his life long contract, and he is now looking for a new agent.

Norwegians with rat faces is commonly now a days, you can see them everywhere, because of the radiation from Tsjernobyl. Eirik Folkestad was the first important person to get the gen failiure because northern Norway was especially hurt by this tradgic event in Ukraina. The Native Norwgians, the Sames, have been rats for a longer period than Folkestad, but nobody in Norway cares about them. They have their own newscast on TV, but everyone in Norway thinks that they have been put here on earth for their amusement, so they believe that the newscast is a comedy show. Since everyone thinks Eirik Folkestad is a SAME, his career as a comedian is going pretty well.

The last year he has had shows in: Rokken, Volda 03.02.06, Ørsta Kulturhus, Ørsta 03.02.06 (16minutes after the show in Volda ended) Ungdomshuset, Åmdalen 05.05.06 Volda Fiskemat As, Volda 27.05.06

## Talk:Localhost

 The subject of this article, Localhost, has edited Wikipedia as 127.0.0.1 (Talk • Edits • Block (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups).

## From Trachea

### crap should not enter the trachea

If it does, you are screwed over, and cannot do anything, but gag on your own crap, with SEVERE pneumonia.

## From Center for Advanced Technologies

In 1993, the initial sophomore class of seven students graduated. In 1994, first four-year class graduated with forty-three members. Since then, there has been a sharp decrease in student quality and general intelligence of the student body

The bestseller in the cafeteria includes chicken wings, and other types of "Soul Food". General Lakewood is more than willing to transfer money from their "Drug Fund" to buy multiple chicken wings per day.

## From Gaupamongaplex

Gaupamongaplex

A Gaupamongaplex is to be the largest named Number. It is a googol array of B's within the Gaupamonga level. "##" Or it has one Gaupamonga zeroes. It looks like this: 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000... Is would take googolquadriplexes of milennia to count up to the top number. Please, do not try to write that many zeroes! It is the largest infinity scraper. Here's how big you could explain it: It is longer then the life of the oldest universe in nanoseconds, or one billionth of a second. It is so big, It needs Array Notations. YYYYYIIIIKKKKEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

## From Wikipedia talk:Requests for comment/Tony Sidaway 3

### Annoying signatures

Personally, I don't find long strings of code in signatures a problem (except it makes some project pages like WP:CV a little harder to read where there is often very little invening text). What I do personally find very annoying, however, is the decision by User:Cyde to use his signature to change the shape of my cursor. -- DS1953 talk 15:06, 4 June 2006 (UTC)

• Yes, I noticed that too, and didn't appreciate it either. Exploding Boy 15:10, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• Nor I, but it's rather small beer. And not the subject of this RfC either, I don't think. ++Lar: t/c 16:04, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• I, on the other hand, don't mind Cyde's cursor. What I can't stand is the current pink color. But, de gustibus non est disputandum... Misza13 T C 16:49, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• It's not pink, dammit, it's light red. --Cyde↔Weys 16:51, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• hehe, that just got you popped up on my vandal log :P -Goldom (t) (Review) 16:54, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• Ok, it's neither pink nor (any hue of) red. It's #FF66FF, fine? But annoying anyway. Misza13 T C 17:11, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• Pink? Um, Cyde, I think there are some issues you need to explore. --D-Day What up? Am I cool, or what? 17:14, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• With this repository of signature technology, I expect we'll see an explosion of Art following this discussion. That's just the sig ;-). Stephen B Streater 19:13, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• Acually his sig is fushia. ILovePlankton 19:21, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• I'm pretty sure that sigs that change cursor size are attempts at Communist takeovers. Am I wrong? --D-Day What up? Am I cool, or what? 19:26, 4 June 2006 (UTC)
• I think we're getting way off topic now. Exploding Boy 19:42, 4 June 2006 (UTC)

## Apeism : Ape worship and the history of Apeism

The Ape Fashion Revolution Category: Religion and Philosophy

It is common knowledge that apes are closely related to humans and after years of fashion enslavement monkeys are now taking a positive move towards fashion equality. A while ago, about 7000000000 gigateramillion years, monkeys lived peacefully with humans and shared great wisdom with the human. It was they that showed us that by using none other than a stick and a few ants, one could create perpetual energy and end world hunger. Owning to mans underdeveloped mind, they thought the apes teachings were merely an amusing trick to get ants out of anthills and consequently ignored the apes' wise words. But that is not the arguement so that tangent will be discussed at another stage. Apes began modelling the latest fashion of the Perpendicularassic period which happened to be long gowns. Humans quickly caught onto this idea and stole it from the apes. This caused the apes to embark on a great boycott of future fashion and as one of the greatest fashion statements of all time, stopped wearing clothing. Apes retreated into the forests and jungles to continue with their highly scientific experiments and leave humans to their own savage existance. Crude human methods in creating power and transforming energy lead to creation of pollution (a problem the apes ancestors had managed to overcome in a matter of weeks back in pre-recorded history). The pollution caused global warming and the apes who had retained their long fur for warmth (as well as efficient NBC suits) began to suffer. They came to the conclusion that the only way they could become comfortable in the constantly changing weather was to return to the fashion world and don clothing. The change started slowly, various monkeys tricked the mibdless humans into taking them in as pets and so received nappies. This lead to Circus chimps (who actually ran the show) in the late 18th century starting to wear ensembles which were rather trendy indeed in the apes society. Slowly but surely ape by ape started getting a little more adventurous till eventually the sexy yet sophisticated full suit became the rave. Monkeys became integrated into human society until they eventually took over. The car market became so dominanted by such apes that no expense was spared and lavish vehicles such as Rolls Royce and other brands were the normal in ape society. So happened the Ape Fashion Revolution.

The Ape Technological Revolution Category: Religion and Philosophy

Life as we know it would never have arisen had it not been for the succesful technological advances of the Apes and their predecessors. Ape mentality has been far superior to that of humans for millennia and humans refusal to accept this only reinforces this fact. Apes truly came into being around zetrametrosexualillion years ago. They initially existed as pure energy, neither living or dead. In this state the Apes could travel the all over the universe (which in theory wouldnt have been so hard considering that the universe had on just branched and its franchise expansion was very limited.) But once again the formation of physical apes is but a tangent to the greater circle of technology.

By analysing the very nature of apes one can see that they have an apparent disregared for technology, but this is quite contrary to the truth. The fact is apes have invented everything and technology as a whole became rather trivial and simplistic in its complications. About Qwertyillion years ago, the Ape high consul decided to embark on a great revival of pre historic ape culture which exists today as the current image of apes and their purpose on earth. While humans struggled to merely survive, apes were running successful empires all over the globe. These empires were so technologically advanced that the materials they were constructed of were so environmentally friendly and biodegradable, that they just became part of the earth once more, leaving no visible scaring like that of modern/savage humans today. Certain technological advances of the great Ape empires were of considerable importance, such as the creation of perpetual energy. By harnessing nucle-ant energy in the form of ants, Apes were able to pass it through the light spectrum of sticks (a process still unknown to humans today) thereby creating balls of concentrated energy with the potential of vaporising the entire universe approximately 35,63 billion times over. One can indeed say this was an impressive achievement. By harnessing energy in such a way, there was no need to eat sleep or drink as the apes merely existed symbiotically with the energy and getting the benefits of such a relationship.

Another achievement that the apes achieved was successfully creating synthetic life. This is not as one may think as being artificial intelligence or cloning. It was far more sophisticated and allowed any individual ape to basically live eternally without death. (the process of cloning was in fact discovered by an ape who had not even been born yet, and this shows just how trivial the process was to ape society). With the ability to live forever, apes did not need be bothered with dying, though many tried it out and reported afterwards that the experience was rather pleasant, much like that of drinking condense milk or eating caramel treat.

While humans occupy their time with technological discoveries and the like apes realised that after the discovery of perpetual energy and eternal life, they realised they had in theory discovered every thing and spent the next pokomonillion years relaxing and many felt very refreshed indeed. This laid back attitude and relaxed state of mind is the false impression that is given out by these infinitely advanced apes. Humans fail to see the truth and still consider themselves superior, (this fact has actually been incorporated in the 1001 book of ape jokes as joke 683 and is considered an excellent example of classical ape literature. The book was in fact published in energy and therefore humans were incapable of reading it as it was far to advanced and complicated for their small brain capabilities).

Now one can understand the true nature of the apes attitude in the present day and how impressive their achievements actually were. Thus happened the Ape Technological Revolution.

## From Players of 3D Space Cadet Pinball Who Can't Get It Up To Satisfy Their Wives

Players of 3D Space Cadet Pinball Who Can't Get It Up To Satisfy Their Wives is the title of a blog that attempts to provide a personal experience to the notorious claim that extended play of Full Tilt! Pinball, specifically in the Space Cadet table, results in erectile dysfunction in males. The author of the website refers to himself simply as Indie, referring to the domain name.

### Features

:Image:FullTilt-spacecadet.png A screenshot of the notorious impotence-causing Space Cadet table The Space Cadet table is referred to directly and indirectly on the site, which is often criticized as being poorly made and overly simplistic in design. As usual, the author claims that 3D Space Cadet Pinball is directly responsible for his failure to "satisfy his wife". Although it is clear what he means by this, the author constantly feels the need to clarify that he is referring to sexual satisfaction, which has come to be almost a running joke on the site. Often, the author expresses sorrow at the fact that he cannot achieve an erection for his wife (who also remains unnamed on the blog), but frequently eludes to the fact that given the choice between playing computer pinball and successful copulation, he would choose the former.

### Layout

The site has a simple layout, with a bizarre picture of a half-nude male doing yoga in a barren field, alone. Fans of the site have referred to this as not being Indie himself, but a representation of how alone he feels playing 3D Space Cadet Pinball and being unable to satisfy his wife in bed. To the side of the man is a basic blog layout, with frequent additions made.