UnSource:List of Russian reversals

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In Soviet Russia, party finds YOU!!

The Russian Reversal is a debating and argumentative tactic developed by the USSR during the twentieth century.

A tool described as being able to end and subsequently win any discussion, its original intent was to stupefy capitalist dogs by inverting the sentence and introducing a new prepositional phrase, thus obfuscating the topic and allowing the debater to take control and bury his opponent. Its execution is as simple as it is lethal: the subject and direct object of the sentence in question are reversed, the sentence is preceded with "in Soviet Russia" and all sentences are shifted into the second person.

This is because Soviet Russia is a wondrous land of complete automation and bizarre reversal of ordinary American events and situations. Imagine your wonder when, upon calling a taxi, you discover that here in Soviet Russia, taxi hails YOU!!

The original technique was introduced by Politburo hack and Minister of Propaganda Yakov Smirnoff soon after he infiltrated America! What a country! from Ukraine during the Cold War.

"In America, you can always find a party."

Ruthless science from finest minds in Soviet Russia refine this solipsistic bourgeois notion to:

United states.svg In America, you can always find a party .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the Party always finds YOU!!

and the rest is history.

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called-experts at Wikipedia have an article about Russian Reversal. In Soviet Russia, Wikipedia reads YOU!!

Contents


[edit] Essence of Russian Reversal

The Russian Reversal, in its purest form, is based on the dualistic theorem that:

  • America is both free and good.
  • Soviet Russia is neither free nor good.

Ergo, they are opposites. If something is good in America (as all things in America are), that very same thing is bad in Soviet Russia (ditto). For instance, American Roulette is very different from its Russian counterpart. Russians are also forced to eat those horrible fish eggs - the most obvious of reasons for them to drown their sorrows in very much vodka.

Mathematical proof of this, made by diabolical commie scientists, is available but the results are tightly guarded by the former KGB.

[edit] In Soviet Russia, rule remembers YOU!!

"In Soviet Russia, joke ruins YOU!!'"

~ Oscar Wilde
In Soviet Russia, sickle hammers YOU!!

The Russian Reversal was originally developed by Soviet Russians, and featured all their trademarks:

  • Bad Grammar
  • Incorrect Verb Usage
  • Avoid using on, in, at, to: is less Russian. All words like "the" and "a" purged from language in 1917.
  • Only use three words. (In Soviet Russia, above ignores YOU!!)
  • All plural words changed into singular form.
  • Sentence order is "Noun, transitive verb, YOU!!"
  • For maximum science, mathematical expressions may end with "you." Example: "pi = 3.14159265you."
  • Avoid the words "is" and "are", otherwise "In Soviet Russia, dumb is YOU!!".
  • All sentences end with "YOU!!" Only in decadent modern era it becomes more accepted that Russian Reversalisms end with word other than "YOU!!" Example: "In Soviet Russia, car fixes A-Team!!".
  • Always print "YOU" in ALLCAPS and then finish the sentence with no more and no less than two exclamation points and italicise those. For example: "In America you follow the rules; in Soviet Russia, rule follows YOU!!"
  • Keep simple, stupid.
  • If necessary watch Night Court episodes with Yakov Smirnoff as Yakov Korolenko. Yes, Uncyclopedia knows it will hurt. Uncyclopedia wants it to hurt. Hurt YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, exception makes YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, Twinkie eats YOU!! (And, apparently, has huge eyes and funny communist hat.)

In general, situation in Soviet Russia is reverse of in West, with very few notable exceptions. For instance, under capitalism people oppress people, under communism it's other way around.

In America, greedy capitalist pigs pull Lada behind tow truck. In Soviet Russia, glorious workers push Lada. By hand.

And yet, America just like Russia:

United states.svg In America, people free to go to Washington and say US president is idiotic miserable failure.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, glorious comrade citizens free to go to red square and also say president of USA is idiotic miserable failure. America just like Russia!
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bank rob YOU!!
United states.svg In America, greedy capitalist bank also rob YOU!! America just like Russia!
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, dollar valuable, ruble worthless.
United states.svg In capitalist-imperialist America, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. America just like Russia!
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the best prostitutes are Russian.
United states.svg In America, the best prostitutes are Russian. America just like Russia!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, even more tip reads YOU!!

  • Read the above tips, read all the examples, and notice how some, while true, fail to follow the rules.
  • Internet also reversed. If evil decadent American site .us, glorious comrade workers' Soviet Union site .su.
    Note that Soviet Russian teleprinter has no <esc>ape key and <ctrl> tightly held by KGB.
  • Above all, be inconsistent -- this isn't Wikipedia after all.
    Wikipedians are famous for their consistency, something like a meringue.

[edit] In Soviet Russia, Official List of all Known Russian Reversals reads YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, jump triples YOU!!

In order to help Capitalists / anti-Communists prepare for their debates, this Official List of All Known Russian Reversals makes sure to read YOU!!

Hammer and sickle.png In America, before editing this page, you read the instructions.
In Soviet Russia instruction reads YOU!!!

[edit] In Socialist Cuba, reversal writes YOU!!

Cuba.svg In Socialist Cuba, we eliminate hunger.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, hunger eliminates YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you smoke cigar.
Cuba.svg In Socialist Cuba, cigar smokes YOU!!.

[edit] In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!

United states.svg In America, you watch computer monitor.
China.svg In Communist China, computer monitors watch YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you search google.
China.svg In Communist China, google searches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you abort foetus.
China.svg In Communist China, foetus aborts YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, reversal reads YOU!!

[edit] Agriculture

United states.svg In America, you brand cattle.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, cattle brand YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you build scarecrows .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, crows scare YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you plant corn.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, corn plants YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you choke chicken.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, chicken chokes YOU!!
United states.svg In American Texas, you grab bull by horns.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg On Russian sovkohzy, bull grabs YOU by horns!!
United kingdom.svg In the Undead Kingdom, we had to shoot mad cows
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, mad cow shoots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you tip cow.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, cow tips YOU!!
In Soviet Georgia, Yoghurt Eats YOU!!

[edit] Communications and media

United states.svg In America, you channel-zap .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, channel zaps YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you click remote control .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, remote controls YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you finish sentence.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!
United states.svg In America's Ivy League, you hit the books.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet university, book hits YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you make Russian reversals.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Wikia, Russians revert YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you watch Big Brother.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU!!"
United states.svg In America, you pity fool.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, fool pities YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you slug payphone.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, telephone puts slug in YOU!!

[edit] Computers and Internet

In Soviet Russia, Internet connection dials up YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you burn CD.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, CD burns YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you type report.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, report types YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you delete programme .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, pogrom deletes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you keep tabs in browser.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, browser keep tabs on YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you open file.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, file opens YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you post comment to Myspace .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, to a minefield comrades post YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you pwn n00bs.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, n00b pwns j00!!
United states.svg In America, you reboot server.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, server boots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you search Google.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Google searches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you surf Internet.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Internet surfs YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you vandalise wiki.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Wikia, Абсурдопедия vandalises YOU!!
United states.svg In America, You laugh at roflcopters
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Roflcopters Laugh at YOU!!
United states.svg In America, You back-up your data.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, data backs-up YOU!!

[edit] Economics and commerce

In Soviet Russia, bear make rug of YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you break the bank.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the bank breaks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you cut corners.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, corners cut YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you punch clock.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, clock punches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you seize the day.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, day seizes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you always have other irons in the fire .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, irons put fire in YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you declare war on poverty.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, poverty declares war on YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you appoint Chief Executive Officer .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, chief officer executes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you drill oil well.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, oil well drills YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you make money.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, money makes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you vote for President.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, President votes for YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you laugh all the way to bank.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bank laugh at YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you violate the laws.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the laws violate YOU!!


[edit] Entertainment

United states.svg In America, you can't touch this.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, this can't touch YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you catch Pokemon.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Pokemon catches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you pluck guitar.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, guitar plucks YOU!!
Mexico.svg In Estados Unidos de México, you smash piñata.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, piñata smashes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you shoot photograph.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, photograph shoots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you watch night court.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, night court watches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you watch Romeo and Juliet.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Romeo and Juliet watches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you pet animals.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, animals pet YOU!!


[edit] Food and drink

In Soviet Russia, Chicken boxes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you barbecue steak.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, steak barbecues YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you burn toast.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, toast burns YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you eat gummi bears .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bear eats YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you consume vodka.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, vodka consumes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you crack nut.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, nut cracks YOU!!
United kingdom.svg In the Undead Kingdom, you eat brains.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you flame-broil burger.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, burger flame-broils YOU!!
United states.svg In Kentucky, you fry chicken.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Chechens fry YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you grill bacon .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, pigs grill YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you have been eaten by a grue.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, a grue has been eaten by YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you pop corn.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, corn pops YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you smoke pot.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, pot smokes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you throw cocktail party .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Molotov throw cocktail at YOU!!
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russian gulag, you trap and eat mice to survive.
United states.svg In American Disney park, mouse traps YOU!!

[edit] Geography

United states.svg In America, you find Waldo.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!!
Thailand.svg In monarchist-imperialist Thailand, you live in Bangkok.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, cock bangs YOU!!

[edit] Health and medicine

United states.svg In America, you catch cold.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, cold catches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you bury dead.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, dead bury YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you brush hair.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, hair brushes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you kick bucket.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bucket kicks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you mark time.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, time marks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you take a rest .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, arrest takes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you get your prostate exammed.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Prostetute exams YOU!!'

[edit] Recreation and sports

In Soviet Ravenholm, bed sleeps on YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you bet on roulette.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Russian Roulette, all bets are off!
United states.svg In America, you break the ice.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, ice breaks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hit bong.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bong hits YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hook a fish.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, fish sinks hooks into YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you huff kitten.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, kitten huffs YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hunt deer.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, deer hunts YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you kill time.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, time kills YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you paint the town red.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, town paint YOU red!!
United states.svg In America, you party on Fire Island .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the Party opens fire on YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you set the night on fire.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the night sets YOU on fire!!
United states.svg In America, you play Monopoly
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, you take Monopoly board flip it over and everyone has nothing! That is how to play Communist Revolution!
United states.svg In America, you ride horses .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, horse mounts YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you punch clown.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you shoot the shit.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, the shit shoots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you spank monkey.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you tilt pinball machine.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, pinball machine tilts YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hide the sausage.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, sausage hides YOU!!


[edit] Sanitation

In Soviet Russia, toilet urinates on YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you bury rubbish.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, rubbish buries YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you destroy evidence.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, evidence destroys YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you flush toilet.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, toilet flushes YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hang laundry.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, laundry hangs YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you put laundry through wringer.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, laundry puts YOU through wringer!!
United states.svg In America, you shred document.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, document shreds YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you squash bug.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bug squashes YOU!!


[edit] Science and technology

Sparta 001.jpeg
United states.svg In America, you calculate with reverse-Polish notation .
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Polonium-210 subtracts YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you run machine.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, machine runs YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you exploit network.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, network exploits YOU!!
United states.svg In American reactor site, you enrich uranium.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Chernobyl, uranium enriches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you rationalise denominator.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, denominator rationalises YOU!!


[edit] Transportation

United states.svg In America, you bring Lada to junkyard.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, junkyard bring Lada to YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you catch train.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, train catches YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you get your kicks on Route 66
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg Soviet Route 66 gets to kick YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you ride bikes.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, bikes ride YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you put gas in car.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, car gasses YOU!!
United states.svg In American Motors dealership, you kick tyres.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Lada dealership, tyre kicks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, your dog chases cars.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Doggie Russia, cars chase YOU!!
United states.svg On American overpass, you hang a left.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg From glorious Soviet bridge, the left hangs YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you hit a fork in the road.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!!
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, road hits YOU!!'

[edit] War and military

Pop Hops on You.JPEG
United states.svg In America, you bury the hatchet.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, hatchet buries YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you kick ass.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you mistrust government.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, government mistrusts YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you shoot gun.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, gun shoots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you sink battleship.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, battleship sinks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you flank attack.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, attack flanks YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you shoot AK-47.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, AK-47 shoots YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you can make the march and make Georgia howl.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Georgia, forced march make howl YOU!!
United states.svg In America, you believe in Jesus.
Flag of the Soviet Union.svg In Soviet Russia, Hasus believes YOU when YOU sell him fire-arms!!
Swastika.gifIn Dem Deutschen Reich, you gas jews
Flag of the Soviet Union.svgIn Soviet Russia, jews gas YOU!!'
United states.svg In America, you make french fries.
Swastika.gif In Nazi Germany, you fry french!!.

[edit] In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!

Predictably, T-Shirts have already been made with these messages.

  • In Soviet Russia, t-shirt reads YOU!!
  • In Soviet Russia, dead horse beats YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, also sees YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, funny caption writes YOU!!
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